​Avery Jane arrived at 9:45am on Friday, August 12, 2016! I was 39 weeks, 3 days and we are enjoying her so much. I rocked my VBAC with flying colors.

There I was, 39 weeks and 2 days...it feels like an eternity when you’re almost to the finish line and you’re anxiously waiting for your new life as a family of four to begin.

We went to my 39 week appointment and I was 4-5 cm, as per usual for the past couple weeks, same as with Jackson. Apparently my body works well with pregnancy even though I’m not your typically happy pregnant lady. But I love having my babies once they’re born. But the process is so taxing on me! I had sent a recipe to my mom for Labor Inducing Cookies so she invited me over the afternoon to see if they work.

Here is the recipe: https://www.loveinmotion.net/blog/labor-cookies

The instructions were to eat as many as your can stomach, take a nap and wait for labor to start! Seeing as this would be the only time in my life that I would be able to eat as many cookies as I wanted, I. ATE. 11...IN ONE SITTING! They resemble a spicy Christmas cookie and are super delicious. We will definitely be making them this holiday season!

That evening, I took some Evening Primrose oil and waited for labor to commence. Around 9:30pm, I watch a little TV before turning in but something felt different, some cramping that had increased to a more than uncomfortable state. After 30 minutes of deciding that this was real labor, I went upstairs to wake up my husband John and tell him it is time. I called the midwife, who suggested to let her know when I’d like to go to the hospital. Being the indecisive person that I am, I waited for another 15 minutes and called everyone who needed to know that we were headed to the hospital: our doula Sabira Marike, photographer Kayla Raine Armstrong, Rachael, Lois, and Mireya, our neighbor who would watch Jack for us. I threw up the cookies mid-conversation with my photographer, bless her heart. I felt better after that, almost well enough to doubt if I should’ve alerted everyone so soon. But things were already set into motion so we dropped off Jack and headed to Castle Rock Adventist Hospital (best hospital food EVER!).

My doula and birth photographer arrived to the hospital around midnight, once we were all settled into our room. The same midwife I saw this morning for my checkup was there and on board with our birth plan and wishes, which was very comforting. We decided to strip my membranes to see if that would get things moving. Both Rachael and my mom had their phones off but I wasn’t worried. They would arrive in the morning if I didn’t have the baby by then. By about 3am, labor was fizzling out so we decided to sleep a bit, which was nice to get some rest before the main event. This photo below was a little bit of labor that night.

38 weeks: Feeling so fat, exhausted, weak, and very pregnant, ready to get going with my new life with baby. I am 2-3 cm dilated for about 3 weeks. My sister Laura finds an old friend from Boulder who is willing to assist in being my doula for labor and the birthing process. Praise the Lord! Baby has dropped into my pelvis.
39 weeks: Baby has dropped even more into my pelvis. At Wednesday's doctor visit, I am told I am 4 cm dilated and small bloody show (she agitates my cervix). Since the 4th of July, I'm having friends and family "walk" me every day. Thanks to Rachael and Rachel for getting me out of the house and moving, outside of my daila yoga practices. Laura suggests to take Evening Primrose and mom pumps me everyday full of pregnancy tea, also provided by Laura. I don't know what I would've done without the tips and encouragement from her, seeing as she is the only one I know that is familiar with birthing babies as of recent (she had her 2nd baby boy Dillon in February via home birth).
Friday, July 8: Al and mom decide to take me out for PIE. Rachael joins us as well at Marie Callendars. Chicken Pot Pie and community shared banana cream pie, chocolate cream pie, and chocolate satin pie...yummm. Al's bet on the birth day is July 9th and his story is that his 2 kids (now all grown up) came when pie was ingested the day/night prior... So we go back home and watch Due Date, which seemed very fitting for what would go on for the rest of the night. We finish up the movie around 8, at which time I'm starting to feel contractions and they are inTENSE now! I head upstairs to see if it's really the real deal. More bloody show. Mom is upstairs brushing her teeth and I have changed moods from happy and excited to "this sucks" and "I think this is it" mood.
The texts between Rachel and I...
R 8:15 "Double rainbow at my house!!"
M 8:27 "Contractions r more intense now. Hard to time. Last one was 5 minutes from start to next start. In my back and causing pain in my stomach."
R 8:32 "Oh buddy. Double rainbow called it..."
M 8:32 "Come over??"
R 8:33 "On my way darling."


Rachel finds me in my room laying on the floor on my hands and knees, remembering any moves to alleviate the pain. Cat/cow, pelvic tilts and rolls, tailor sitting, childs pose...Wayne calls and gives some sound advice "I'm so proud of you. You can do this!" Rachel times the next contraction and it's closer than we thought: 3-3.5 minutes apart! Rachel says "It's time to go to the hospital." As everyone is getting things together, I'm thinking "Ok this is it. MAN that hurts!!! whewwwwwwoohhhhowwwweeeeee!! This better not take too long..."
From this moment on, everything is a big blur of events but eventful nonetheless. I crawl into the back of mom's car and the seat is laid down so I can move any way need be as Rachel lays there with me, rubbing my back and calling the need to know people, Jessica my doula, my doctor, etc. Mom is letting Laura and Lee know what's happening and I get to listen to Laura's voice on the way over. "You are meant to do this. Just breathe. Just focus and breathe." She can hear me breathing deeply and experiencing increasingly intense contractions. After what felt like forever, we finally get to Parker Adventist Hospital. I distinctly remember my mom being somewhat frantic. "Are they going to let us have a wheelchair?" I look at Rachel and we're thinking the same thing...that's my mom for you and I love her for it. They wheel me in and I try to ignore the glaring faces of other patients from the Emergency entrance area. I guess it's not every day you see a woman in REAL labor, except on TV, so I wonder if it's what they really thought it would look like. It must be like seeing a car accident in person when all you've seen is what you see on the news, you know? But movies and TV are sooo diluted in how labor and delivery truly is experienced. It's nothing like you see in the movies. ANYWAY, we get up to the birth center and I'm wheeled into a regular room and apparently I'm not registered...I'm thinking to ask about the "natural birthing room" but cannot muster up a concrete sentence that doesn't involve heavy breathing, a curse word, and "I don't want to do this anymore." So I just go with it and focus on my breathing. One of the nurses asks me to undress into their stylish robes and to give a urine sample if possible. EASIER SAID THAN DONE LADY! I'm not sure why I tried to give them a sample TWICE before giving up since the attempt at squatting was beyond excruciating and in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "I thought this position was supposed to give me relief."
From this moment on, it seemed as thought the nurses were against me. Jessica is not there yet so I work on leaning over the bed to stretch out my back. The moment I find some glimpse of relief from a contration, a nurse tells me I have to get in the bed. "Are you kidding me right now? I want to birth a baby and whatever position that will help, I'm going to do." I comply because I don't know what's going on. IV, fetal monitor, and who knows what else is established on my body and I'm examined at 8cm. What??? Then I remember Jessica finally arriving. She became my focal point from then on, which helped immensely. Even through hospital bed bars, she was able to intercede for me and be my advocate for any unnecessary intervention by the hospital.
Since I was not pre-registered, during contractions, they continuously explained paperwork and had me sign stuff when one would be over. You could've had me sign my life away, I was so focused on each and every contraction. As they became more and more intense, being reminded of low moans kept me at bay. All my inhibitions flew out the door as people kept prodding at me for information.
The ongoing frustration I had was as I found a comfortable position to alleviate any pain, specifically back pain, the nurses would come back in, saying the fetal monitor cannot read the baby's stats. The birthing ball, the birthing bar, squatting, hands and knees, they all helped until nurses forced me to lie back on my back, the worst position that increased the contractions. On TOP of this, the OB/GYN that tended me throughout my pregnancy was not on call and the least desirable doctor from the practice was on call. Yet another let down, but I didn't care. I was going to get this baby out naturally! 9cm....and I'm on an oxygen tank.
I kept hearing that people were amazed that I wanted a natural birth, that I was doing incredible, and later I come to find out that the reason why I was having so much back labor was because little Jackson was faced posterior, spine to spine. Anytime it was too intense, "back baCK BACK!!" was what I said. I recall that I kept looking at the clock on the other side of the room, hoping that time would fly faster and that I would see my baby soon. My mom read me some Bible verses and I overheard some calming music and hypnobirthing tracks that distracted my mind from the ever increasing contractions.
As the contractions became even more than I had ever imagined, my voice would want to go higher, saying "I can't do this. I don't wanna do this anymore" to Jessica. "Lower your voice, oooooooooo. Jackson is coming so soon. You're there. You're almost there." Almost 10cm.....
Around 11:30pm, there was continued failure in getting a continuous reading on the fetal monitor around my swollen belly. All of a sudden, I see 3 times as many people in my room, along with an unknown male doctor talking to my doctor. "She wants to birth this baby naturally." "Well my room is prepped when you're ready. She's not going to make it." This gave me more motivation to take this experience to completion...the arrogance of this doctor was just too much. I'm ready to push. It's go time!
I was surprised that at this point, the pain wasn't as intense as during transition (8-10cm). It felt like I was a ticking time bomb so whatever I wanted to do naturally, I had to do it fast before the nurses would make me sit back on my back so everyone helped me try to push on my hands and knees...it wasn't enough. Squatting...still not enough. My doctor said "we still can't get a good reading so we'll have to get a node on his head to get a good reading of his heart rate." "Oooookkkkaaayyyy..." Returning to my back once again, I feel like I'm pushing a camel out of the eye of a needle. It feels like progression but it wasn't enough for the doctors. "We're going to try to use a vacuum. I know you want to do this naturally, but your baby is in distress. Can we try with a vacuum?" *Nodding and crying at the same time* "This is not what I wanted...this wasn't in my birth plan!!!" my mind racing with thoughts and fears: "It'll be okay...he'll be okay. This is for the best." I get a nerve block to get the vacuum in and set on the top of Jackson's head. I can imagine what he was thinking: "wtf? Keep me in here! It's warm and cozy..." I push even harder but am having a hard time feeling contractions anymore, which was frustrating. Everything was happening so fast and I was losing so much focus with all the people in there. What is the need for all of these frickin people??? Didn't I ask in my birth plan for this not to happen? Of course my modesty is out the window but still, sphincter law is in full effect: Who in their right mind can seriously go #1 or #2 in front of THAT many people? At that point, I knew this wasn't going to happen if things didn't change. Nonetheless, I keep pushing whenever possible, even at the sight of my doctor talking to the male doctor, which angered me that if I were to push him out at that point, she would've been distracted and my baby would fall on the floor. They gave me one last push, "for good measure" is what I'm thinking the rude doctor is saying. "Nope, let's get you going." I immediately burst into tears, looking at Rachel with the largest fear in my eyes. "What's going to happen? I'm scared!!!" She looks back at my with her hands on her face, mirroring my thoughts and emotions. Everything will be okay. I hear a distant quiet voice in the back of my head. For I know the plans I have for you.
They wheel me into the OR, without Jessica, my mom, or Rachel, and I begin to panic. "Just put me out of my misery. Just put me out. I'm pissed at you guys." A nurse says "We need to move you to this table beside you. Now it's a narrow table so don't move too much." *Are you serious??* Ohhh, this is my worst nightmare...Oh God Oh God, what did I deserve to have this much go wrong?? They're forcing my legs straight and my arms to the side, crucifixion style...Just relax. "You're going to be ok, sweetie" says a male voice giving me gas. As I'm laying there, mourning my birth plan, I'm praying to God for deliverance from this pain and fear. Finally I fall asleep.....


When I woke up, my brain was foggy, uncertain as to what just happened. They finally bring in little Jackson, happily alert and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. As I attempt to nurse him for the first time, all I can think about is how empowering this birthing experience was despite my birth plan flying away from my control. Lesson learned: God is in control. Jackson and I laying skin to skin, I felt an immense love for this new little being so much so that I could have laid there forever, staring at his tiny naked body, so peaceful, such a gift. My mom and Rachel come in to greet me and are so proud of me for laboring naturally all the way up to the end. A nurse comes in to take Jackson for his bath and they bring me back into my room to rest. Wayne and Rachel are there to stay the night with Jackson and I. I am so exhausted but feel an energy within me that anticipates my first night with Jackson. A few hours later, they bring him in, swaddled and sleeping peacefully. When all becomes silent, I start to nurse baby Jackson and hold him close, adoring each and every part of his body. 10 fingers 10 toes, lean long legs, and the softest skin, fresh from the womb. Throughout the night, he had his moments of little cries, melting my vulnerable heart as he opens his eyes for the first time. The brightest blue eyes that could pierce the coldest soul. We spent the next 6 hours of the night into the morning telling each other our stories: his journey from my body to my arms and my walk with enduring pain and immeasruable emotional intensity that is my rite of passage to motherhood.


He...is...perfect...

The roadmap of labor
I have created a visual guide to labor progress using the metaphor of a road map. It shows key labor landmarks and appropriate activities and measures for comfort as labor progresses (see Figure 1 above).
Parents can use it during labor as a reminder of where they are in the process and what to do. Teachers can use it as a tool for organized discussion of normal labor progress and as a backdrop for discussing laboring women’s emotional reactions, and how partners or doulas may assist. Health professionals can use it to help parents identify where they are in labor, adjust their expectations and try appropriate comfort measures.

Normal labor pathway
The roadmap portrays three pathways. The main brick road represents unmedicated labor and shows helpful actions, positions, and comforting techniques to use as labor progresses. The twists and turns in the brick road indicate that any normal labor does not progress in a straight line; the large turns between 3-6 centimeters and 8-10 centimeters indicate large emotional adjustments for the laboring woman, and present an opportunity to discuss emotional support and comfort measures for the partner or doula to use. After 10 centimeters, the woman’s renewed energy and confidence are represented by the second wind sign. Along with discussion of emotional support and comfort measures, the teacher can offer perspective and practical advice for partners and doulas, to use both when the woman is coping well and when she feels challenged or distressed.

The roadmap provides a clear and effective way to teach about normal labor. It keeps the discussion focused purely on the physiological and psychological processes, without inserting discussions of pros and cons of interventions, complications, or usual policies and hospital practices that alter labor.

Once parents have a solid understanding of normal labor, the teacher can explain usual care practices and possible options for monitoring maternal and fetal well being during labor. She can also discuss labor variations or complications and treatments with medical (including pain medications), surgical or technological procedures. With this approach, parents are better equipped to discuss risks, benefits and alternatives, because they can distinguish situations and conditions that are more likely to benefit from the intervention from those in which the intervention is optional, unnecessary, or harmful.

Planned and spontaneous rituals
The normal labor road suggests measures to use for distraction, comfort, and progress. Distraction is desirable for as long as it helps. The Relax, Breathe, Focus sign reminds parents to use this pre-planned ritual for dealing with intensifying contractions when distraction is no longer possible. Parents need to rehearse these rituals in childbirth class (i.e. slow breathing, tension release, and constructive mental focus) and use them in early labor. They set the stage for the spontaneous rituals that emerge later in labor (as women enter active labor), when they realize they cannot control the contractions or continue their planned ritual, and give up their attempts to do so, though sometimes after a stressful struggle. Spontaneous rituals replace the planned ones. They are not planned in advance – they are almost instinctual – and almost always involve rhythmic activity through the contractions – breathing, moaning, swaying, stroking, rocking, or even letting rhythmic thoughts or phrases repeat like a mantra.

​The three Rs
The spontaneous rituals usually involve the three Rs: relaxation (at least between contractions), rhythm, which is the most important, and ritual, the repetition of the same rhythmic activity for many contractions. In order to give herself over to spontaneous instinctual behavior, the woman needs to feel emotionally safe, uninhibited, accepted unconditionally by partner and staff, and to be mobile in order to find comfort.
The motto ‘Rhythm is everything’ means that if a woman has rhythm during contractions, she is coping, even though she may vocalize and find it difficult. The rhythmic ritual keeps her from feeling totally overwhelmed. The goal is to keep her rhythm during contractions in the first stage. Once in second stage, however, rhythm is no longer the key. The woman becomes alert and her spirits are lifted. An involuntary urge to push usually takes over and guides her behavior.

The role of the partner in labor
The partner helps throughout labor, comforting the mother with food and drink, distraction, massage and pressure, assistance with positioning, and constant companionship. Sometimes, a doula also accompanies them, providing continuing guidance, perspective, encouragement, and expertise with hands-on comfort measures, positions, and other techniques gained from her training and experience.

The role of an effective birth partner includes being in the woman’s rhythm – focusing on her and matching the rhythm of her vocalizations, breathing or movements – by swaying, stroking, moving hand or head, murmuring softly in her same rhythm. Then, if she has difficulty keeping her rhythm, and tenses, cries out or struggles – as frequently occurs in active labor or transition – her partner helps her get her rhythm back, by asking her to focus her eyes on their face or hand and follow their rhythmic movements. This is the take-charge routine, and is only used if the woman has lost her rhythm, is fearful, or feels she cannot go on. Partners who know about this are less likely to feel helpless, useless or frightened. Simple directions, given firmly, confidently, and kindly (‘look at me,’ or ‘look at my hand’), rhythmic hand or head movements, and ‘rhythm talk’ with each breath (murmuring, ‘Keep your rhythm, stay with me, that’s the way…‘) are immensely effective in helping the woman carry on through demanding contractions.

​During the second stage, rhythm is no longer important; now the partner encourages her bearing-down efforts and release of her pelvic floor, and also assists her with positions.

The motto “Rhythm is everything” means that if a woman has rhythm during contractions, she is coping, even though she may vocalize and find it difficult.

The detour for back pain
A second pathway, a rocky, rough road, represents the more difficult ‘back labor’, which may be more painful, longer, or more complicated than the normal labor pathway. Fetal malposition is one possible cause. The measures shown for back labor are twofold: reduce the back pain and alter the effects of gravity and pelvic shape to encourage the fetus’s movement into and through the pelvis. It helps a woman endure a prolonged or painful back labor if she and her partner use appropriate comfort measures, and if they know that dilation may be delayed while the baby’s head molds or rotates to fit through, or that changing gravity and pelvic shape may give the extra room that the baby needs to move into an optimal position.
​
The epidural highway
This third pathway represents a dramatically different road – smooth, angular, man- made, more comfortable – but it comes with extensive precautions and numerous procedures, monitors, and medications, which are necessary to keep the epidural safe. The woman adopts a passive role while the staff manage labor progress, and monitors the mother’s and fetus’s well being closely. The excellent pain relief and chance to sleep are the usual rewards. Discussion of how to work with an epidural in order to optimize the outcome is beyond the scope of the paper, but the basic principle is: treat the woman with an epidural as much as possible like a woman who does not have one! This essentially means,‘Keep her cool. Keep her moving. Keep her involved in the work of pushing her baby out. And don’t assume that if she has no pain, she has no distress! Do not leave her alone.’


Conclusion
The roadmap of labor provides a useful framework for teachers to explain the psychological and physiological processes of labor, and a variety of activities for comfort and labor progress for women and their partners to use. By focusing on the normal unaltered process, parents learn to separate the norm from the numerous interventions that alter the process, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. The intention is to give them confidence that they can handle normal labor and to participate meaningfully in decision-making when interventions are suggested.

Descriptions of birth tend to vary among all mothers; anything from tumultuous, scary and crazy... to joyful, challenging and exciting.

Seldom do we describe a birth as sexy, right?!

Why don't we see birth as intimate and sexy? Is it the environment?

Imagine for a second the most romantic daydream you could ever have...
Got it? Ok, keep that image in mind.

It's BABY DAY. You're in a hospital room with cords strapped to you, beds that move every which way, and the smell of freshly bleached stained floors...
Not the scene we just envisioned from our best romantic dreams, right?
One thing we do know: Something special is happening.
A baby will be born and there will be an outpouring of love and ecstasy coming soon!!!

Too often, birth is portrayed as a scary and dreaded event in a woman's life. However, with the age of social media, I am grateful to see the birth experience demystified through photos and videos. There are many beautiful birth videos and photos of women in their glory, swaying to the beat of their own bodies, breathing baby down and keeping calmly to her affirmations. But let's face it ladies, not many of us feel this way during birth, although we would like to.

The unknown aspects of labor can be scary. Very scary! Fear of the unknown is the leading cause of anxiety and stress in labor, and quite frankly, in life! With many fear-based books out there for new moms, it comes as no surprise when fears arise before and during labor. Our society is ridden with fear facts about everything from what is in our water to when the world is going to end. We don't stand a chance listening to those voices that can flood our screens every day.

A bit of great news: It is said that it takes 10 positive thoughts to erase 1 negative thought. Imagine what negative aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum can do to the psyche of an already emotionally charged pregnant woman? What if we replaced those thoughts with positive ones about birth? Would we be as afraid of the process?

I personally believe in the power of love and fear to embrace the intimacy of birth. Love and fear play vitally important roles in our life, and for good reason. However, birth is one of those moments to decide love and only love. The most rewarding, easiest and quickest births have been with women who have chosen to invite the role of love to play out in their labor setting.

Fear and anxiety have no proper place in labor. Kick them to the curb. They may want to peek their head in every once in a while but you have the power to turn them away, just like you would a light switch. Click!

The intimacy met in the laboring room can be unlike any other, if the stage is set properly. Lights dimmed, essential oil diffuser going, calming music, the sounds of oohs and ahhs...wait a minute, this sounds like a romantic evening we envisioned previously! We CAN equate birth to something so sensual because hey! We all know how the baby got there right?! ;)

As Ina May Gaskin says,
"The energy that gets the baby in, gets the baby out."

So if we set the scene for romance and sensuality, how do we prepare our mind, body and heart? 
Typically, in the realm of natural labor preparation practices, once a couple satisfies the
3 S's (Safety, Support, S​ecurity), a positive experience ensues, regardless of the outcome. Or the setting!

With having the ability for couples to be themselves in their own rite, parents set the stage for positive change in the birth realm. This is where a doula can come in to help create that setting, in advance, so that mom can feel safe, supported, and secure.

The journey to safety, support and security can be a rocky one, but one well worth embarking on. In fact, it would be wise for parents to establish these systems firmly, well before the baby is born. Help from a doula can be highly beneficial. Why? Because when the unexpected happens, there are safety nets. We all need that in life. For finances, we have an emergency fund. For auto accidents, we have insurance policies.

In short, with a doula equipped to hold that space for the 3 S's, you have an insurance policy on the livelihood of your family. Then you have a sacred space for a positive experience and engagement for everyone involved in the birthing process, especially mom! This creates much less turmoil physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually!!!

When we pull out an insurance policy on our own well-being, we create Possibility. Choices. JOY even! We start from a place of worthiness, peace, and love. We are essentially doing our children a favor by ensuring that we put the gas mask on ourselves first before they even make it out of the womb. For the betterment of ourselves, we owe it to our children to set a standard for love, joy, and peace for ourselves.

The joy found in embracing labor is uncanny. Labor is happening for you, not TO you. The intensity of contractions have a purpose, not to harm you. Joy wants to meet you in that space. In choosing love and peace over anxiety and fear, we open doors to joy. With the proper tools in place, it is a completely obtainable reality.

My job is to empower you! I want you to know that you are going to ebb and flow through the highs and lows of pregnancy, labor, and beyond, just as waves on a shore. The grace you bestow upon your body, mind, heart, and soul are paramount pieces to success in your journey through motherhood. Don't let fear take a foothold in your life because someone or something told you so. Any of those thoughts are garbage and have no place in your birth plan.

So give yourself some grace and birth the way you would if you were to plan a date for a special someone because that special someone is YOU, my darling dearest mama! Dim those lights, light some candles, play some beautiful songs, and clear your head of the gunk. Let your mind and heart open to the date you will have with your baby.

And ahhhhh...Let the intimacy begin with you. Your love surpasses all.

xoxo